


Beautiful Boy

by storyspinner70



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bottom Jared, Castration, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Penectomy, Supernatural Kink Meme, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-15 11:18:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12320007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyspinner70/pseuds/storyspinner70
Summary: Fill based on this prompt in the Supernatural Kink Community:Jensen is entranced by Jared, the new receptionist at his firm, taller than Jensen but a slenderer build and almost effeminate in appearance. They begin dating and hit it off. And they’ve fooled around a bit above the waist and overclothes, Jensen talking dirty about how he’s going to have Jared screaming his name when he finally gets to suck Jared’s cock, going into great detail about what he’s going to do Jared’s cock and balls, including riding what has got to be a huge cock.But Jared is hiding a secret that his new, very gay boyfriend may find too horrific to look past if and realize that Jared is lacking when they finally consummate their relationship. When Jared was younger, he was kidnapped and held for months, during which he was brutalized, raped, and castrated. He was finally rescued but suffered one more devastating indignity when his penis was amputated due to infection. Years later, he considers himself fully recovered, physically and psychologically. But for the first time, he feels inadequate and that he won’t be able to satisfy Jensen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Beautiful Boy

 **Pairing(s):** Jensen/Jared  
**Full List of Kinks:** Top!Jensen, Bottom!Jared, Castration/Partial Penectomy, Past rape, non-con, sexual abuse, angst

 

**Beautiful Boy**

 

Jensen remembers the first time he saw Jared.

Six months ago, Barbara stood up in front of everyone during a company meeting and announced that 1 – she was pregnant, and 2 – she was quitting this soul sucking job _today_ and never coming back. In those words. Everyone laughed. Margaret helped her pack up her desk and Jensen helped her carry her stuff to her car. He was going to miss her. Especially when he had to take his turn at answering phones.

Two weeks after that, Barbara was back, but there was also a new face at Barbara’s desk. A beautiful, _very male_ face. Jensen drew out the introductions as long as he could, fascinated by the way Jared tucked his long soft hair behind his ear and the way he looked at Jensen from under silky lashes when Jensen flirted a little bit too hard. Barbara finally physically pushed Jensen out of Reception and into his office. Jared’s laughter followed him all the way down the hall.

It took three months for Jared to finally say yes to a date, but they’d been joined at the hip ever since.

Jensen signaled for another shot. The bartender quirked a brow, but complied.

Jensen was a Texas boy, and he’d always gone for more of the same – someone who was sturdy and strong and could take what Jensen felt like giving them. He loved the feel of hard muscle under his fingertips; a large body he could pound into without worry. Then came Jared.

Jared was beautiful. All broad shoulders and tiny waist. Long arms and soft hair. Pointy nose, dimples and a pink mouth. He was so slender Jensen felt less like he was hugging Jared and more like he was engulfing him, even though Jared had a good four inches in height on Jensen. And it wasn’t just his narrow hips or his sleekly muscled legs, Jared was just – soft and lovely.

Jared wasn’t shy, necessarily, just a little reserved with new people. Jensen had kissed him on the first date, and Jared had held Jensen’s face in his hands, kissing him back a little hesitantly, a little sweetly. They’d stood on his porch for a half an hour just learning how to kiss each other.

The third date, Jensen had invited Jared to his apartment. Jared had hesitated, but Jensen told him it was just because he didn’t want the night to end just yet. There were no strings attached. Their sixth date was pizza and movies at Jared’s apartment. When they’d ended up making out instead of watching anything, neither were surprised.

But then Jensen lifted Jared into place on his lap. Jared stiffened. “Shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. We’ll only do what you want to. You know that.” Slowly, Jared melted into Jensen, his spine bending and his body bowing around Jensen underneath him as he relaxed. “That’s right, baby,” Jensen whispered.

Leaning up, Jensen kissed him, his hands roaming over Jared’s back, finding a home on Jared’s ass. He started rocking against Jared, slowly at first, then harder, his hands hard on Jared’s ass but his eyes carefully watching for signs that Jared was uncomfortable or wanted to stop.

“Jensen,” Jared gasped, “Are you close?”

“So close, sweetheart.”

Jared shuddered against Jensen, an almost sob escaping his pink, swollen mouth.

Jensen came moments later, pulling Jared to him. Jared bowed his back, tucking his face into Jensen’s neck. Jensen stroked Jared’s back and hair. “We need to clean up, sweetheart.”

“Of course,” Jared said. “I think I may have a pair of sweats and a tshirt that might fit you. I don’t think my underwear would work though.”

Jensen laughed. “No, I don’t think so, sweetheart.” Jensen cupped Jared’s narrow hips as if to make his point. "I don't mind going commando, though," Jensen laughed, wagging his brows ridiculously. Jared rolled his eyes and shooed Jensen toward the shower.

When Jensen stepped out of the guest bath, Jared was already seated on the couch, his face flushed and a throw half covering his legs. When Jensen joked about the sweats being tight around his hips and thighs but bunched up over his feet, Jared laughed, but the smile didn’t seem to reach his eyes.

They finished watching the movie, and Jared spent that time snuggled tight under Jensen’s arm, but Jensen couldn’t shake the feeling that something had just gone very very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week, Jared acted just like always – almost. He seemed to cling to Jensen when they were together in a way he never had before. His laughter was a little too loud, his hugs a little too tight, his kisses a little too desperate. Jared was sitting in his lap, legs thrown over Jensen’s and the arm of the sofa, his back propped on cushions and Jensen’s shoulder.

“Sweetheart?”

“Yes, Jensen?”

“You okay, sweetheart?”

Immediately, Jared stiffened slightly and his eyes dropped. “Of course I am, Jensen. What makes you think there’s a problem?”

Jensen got the hint. “Nothing, honey. I was just checking.”

Jared ran his fingers over Jensen’s face like he was memorizing the shape of his cheeks and chin and mouth. “It’s all going to be fine, Jensen.”

“Okay, sweetheart.”

Somehow, Jensen didn’t quite believe him.

**

Over the next couple of weeks, everything went back to actual normal. Jensen knew there was something he and Jared would need to talk about sooner or later. This just wasn’t the right time. He could hold on until Jared felt like talking.

It was a Thursday. It was raining and cold. Jensen and Jared were cuddled up on Jensen’s sofa in one of Jensen’s favorite positions – him spooned up tight to Jared’s back, pressing random kisses and nibbles to the side of Jared’s neck to make Jared giggle.

Jensen had latched onto the back of Jared’s neck, sucking his mark on Jared where it was easy to hide under his hair. Without even thinking about it, he started up a slow grind against Jared, sliding down just a little to press his growing hard on to Jared’s perfect little ass.

“Why are you so beautiful, sweetheart? I wanted you from the second I saw you.” Jensen buried his face in Jared’s hair. “Love your hair, sweetheart. I love the way it falls over your face when you’re sitting on my lap and looking down at me.” Jensen moved his hand over Jared’s shoulder to his throat. “I love your skin. Your moles. Your long, beautiful neck.”

Jensen unbuttoned Jared’s shirt slowly, giving Jared time to object. Once done, he pulled Jared’s shirt open. Kissing Jared’s shoulder, he leaned up to get a better look at Jared’s chest. “Look at your nipples baby, the color of chocolate. _Of course_ they are.” Jared started as Jensen quickly sucked his finger into his mouth and started circling Jared’s nipple with the wet tip. Sliding his hand down Jared’s torso, Jensen was too caught up to notice Jared stiffening a little more as Jensen got closer to Jared’s belly. “Such a long stretch of belly. I’ve never been with someone as tall as you, sweetheart. I like it.”

Jensen grinned down at Jared for a moment. “Tell me, sweetheart, is what they say about the really tall ones true? Are you proportional?” Jared sucked in a labored breath at that. “I bet you are, aren’t you? I bet your cock is just like you are – long and thin and beautiful. Oh, but maybe you’re long and thick and a real challenge. Tell me, baby, which is it?”

Jensen didn’t hear the strangled sob Jared worked so hard to keep silent. “I can’t wait to get my mouth on that beautiful cock, baby. If it’s as perfect as I think it’s going to be, I might even consider bottoming. It’s been a long time,” Jensen nearly whispered as he reached for the button on Jared’s jeans, “but I can see myself with your long, beautiful cock buried right...”

“No!” Jared cried out and rolled off the couch. “I...I have to go, Jensen. I have to go.”

“Jared?”

Jared scrambled around for his shoes and ran out of Jensen’s apartment.

“Jared!” Jensen yelled finally shaking off his shock and getting up off the couch. “Jared? Baby? What did I do? Jared, I’m so...” Jared was gone.

**

Jared ignored Jensen at work for the next few days, saying hi and politely giving him any messages. Jared knew Jensen would never do anything unprofessional at work, and Jensen dutifully stayed away from Jared, even though it killed him to do so. Jensen had tried to corner Jared in the parking lot once, but the fear on Jared’s face had him backing off quickly.

On Wednesday there was a pink message slip on his desk when Jensen came back from lunch.

_Come to my apartment tonight after supper. I need to explain. Jared._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read this note y'all! Alright, to make this work, the only thing I could come up with that was feasible for him not to have reconstruction and the softer appearance was that Jared was still growing when he was taken. In this chapter, he tells Jensen about what happened to him. It's not terribly explicit, but there are a couple details and Jared is fourteen when it happened. If you want to skip it, go from the three stars *** to the five stars ***** You'll miss the details that way.

_Finally._ It was late enough to go to Jared’s. Jensen was relieved and scared and curious and nervous and hopeful all at once. He couldn’t even imagine a life without Jared in it anymore. He couldn’t lose Jared. He just couldn’t.

He only hoped Jared felt the same about him.

**

Twenty minutes later he was at Jared’s door, almost afraid to knock. What if he’d done something so unforgivable that Jared brought him here to tell him goodbye? What if Jared had met someone better than Jensen and just hadn’t wanted to hurt Jensen’s feelings? What if -

Jared opened the door before Jensen could continue his freak out. He smiled sadly at Jensen’s scared face. “Come on in, Jensen.”

“Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Please. Anything you’ve got is fine.” Jared was gone for a bit, and came back with Jensen’s drink.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Taking a chance, Jensen reached out his free hand to grasp Jared’s as he pulled away. Jared smiled his sad smile again and squeezed Jensen’s fingers, but went to the chair across from Jensen and sat down.

“Jared, I just want you to know I’m sorry if I...”

“I was fourteen,” Jared interrupted. “Had been for a week. My brother took me to the mall and a few other places to spend my birthday money. I had just hit a growth spurt – I looked like I’d gone a few rounds with a taffy puller and lost. I was so skinny.” Jared snorted a short hard laugh. “It was like I’d been stretched one way but not the other.

"My voice had just started cracking. I had a couple chest hairs. I was a cocky little shit.” Jared’s face twisted into something Jensen had never seen before. “Until I wasn’t.” Taking a breath, Jared went on. “I went to the bathroom. It was down a hall at the back of the mall. My brother was at a store two doors down. What could happen?”

Jensen set his untouched drink down on the table, unease roiling in his gut.

“I didn’t see my family again for six months.”

Jensen wanted desperately to reach out and touch Jared, to hold him, but he stayed still.

***

“I don’t even know his name. They never found out who he was. He had no record, no one ever came forward that knew him. I don’t even remember how he knocked me out. All I know is he took me to someplace in the forest. It was a run down place, but it had electricity thanks to a generator and water.

“He...he liked boys. He thought I was cute. He’d tell me that all the time. He liked to hurt me. A lot. He loved the cane, this one whip, and...and these things he’d put on me and squeeze my balls until I screamed. It quit hurting after awhile. I knew better than to let him know that though, so I’d still scream.” Jared snorted again. “It’s not like there weren’t plenty of other things to scream about.”

A sharp crack echoed through the room. The sofa arm Jensen had been clutching had splintered a little under his grip. Jared didn’t even notice.

“He fed me once a day. Put a diaper on me so he could keep me tied up all the time. He only took it off so he could...” Jared stopped, gasping for a moment, trapped in memory. “He was a master at splitting my skin wide open, but not so good at cleaning it up afterwards.”

Jensen couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t…

“A hiker got lost. Heard the screaming...heard _me_ screaming. Walked a quarter mile to get signal and call the police. They had to shoot him to get me out.’

Jensen was going to puke. His baby. His beautiful, soft sweet baby.

“Later I found out the reason his little toy didn’t hurt anymore was because he ruptured both my testicles. I had infected cuts across my back, my ass and my...” Jared started crying. Jensen was rooted to the sofa, not breathing, not moving.

*****

Jared pulled himself together, breathing heavily, jaw ticking as he gritted his teeth. “There was too much damage. Too much infection. I lost my balls and over half my dick. I was too young for a reconstruction. Not done growing. ‘Maybe later on’, they said. ‘Or you’ll be used to it and it won’t matter by then.’”

“I started taking testosterone. Finished growing. My voice deepened some. My body matured, though not like it would have if I’d still had...Anyway, they were right. I was used to it. It was what I’d been living with for years. I was in therapy for a long time. Still am. I take testosterone every day. Medication for depression. But I was okay, you know? I’d settled with my life and my body.” Jared looked at Jensen for the first time.

“Then you walked up to my desk with your gorgeous eyes and your mouth and you wouldn’t leave me alone. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I should say no when you kept asking me out. Just wait it out until you gave up. But I wanted you, just a little while. Wanted to pretend. Just for now. Wanted someone to want me...wanted _you_ to want me.” Jared started to cry. “I’m sorry Jensen. I’m sorry for wasting your time. For...”

Jared’s tears broke Jensen out of his stupor. “Jared...”

“No,” Jared cried out. “Please don’t say anything. Please. Just... Will you lay with me until I sleep? Please? Just tonight. Just give me tonight. Please.”

Jensen opened his mouth to speak, but Jared held a hand up to stop him. “Please, Jensen. Please.”

Jensen stood and held his hand out to Jared, and Jared led them to his room. Jared’s hands were shaking so hard it took him two tries to unbutton his shirt. Jensen reached to help him and Jared flinched until he realized Jensen was just helping him. He stood, still and silent, while Jensen slipped off Jared’s shirt and helped him step out of his pants, then led him to the bed and covered him up.

Jensen stepped out of his pants and climbed under the covers. He didn’t reach for Jared because Jared had turned on his side away from Jensen, his shoulders shaking in silent tears. A few moments later, Jensen gave in and pulled Jared to him. He slotted his arm over Jared’s waist and rested his hand over his heart. He stayed like that until he was sure Jared was asleep.

Easing out of the bed, Jensen dressed quickly. He left a note on his pillow were Jared would be sure to see it if he woke.

_Just had to clear my head, sweetheart. I’ll be back soon._

_Jensen_

He was halfway out the door before he thought twice and went back to underline the words I’ll be back soon.

There was a bar three blocks from Jared’s apartment. Jensen had been there for almost an hour, drinking shots and popping out the back door to smoke in the alley every fifteen minutes, like the smoke burning his lungs was going to do anything to burn the horror out of his mind.

He couldn’t even imagine what Jared had gone through. Jensen had never known anyone with that type of loss. He couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to be a teenager without a whole dick and balls, much less the abuse that led up to it. And then to live this long just assuming you’d never find love...Jensen shook his head and signaled for another shot.

The bartender came by and turned Jensen’s last glass over on the table. _No more._ Jensen nodded absently.

It was clear Jared expected him to leave. Jensen wanted nothing more to stay. He just didn’t know how to act with Jared, now. Almost everything he was used to sexually would be different. He just didn’t know.

Hazel eyes swimming in tears floated into Jensen’s mind. Jensen slapped money down on the bar for a tip and nodded to the bartender. He’d just have to work it out. He wasn’t going anywhere.

**

Jensen let himself back into the apartment with keys he’d stolen from Jared before he left. When he entered the bedroom, Jared was sitting on the side of the bed, sheets pooled at his hips and covering one leg. Jensen’s note lay beside him on the bed, the edges crumpled by Jared’s hands.

Moonlight and light from the streetlamps outside Jared’s apartment striped Jared’s smooth, naked skin. Jensen could just make out silvery scars on Jared’s back. The sheets looked ghostly white against Jared’s skin, and his cheekbone stood out in the soft light when he turned his head as Jensen came in the room. He had one hand on his pillow and the other in his lap.

“I thought you were pretending,” Jared waved at the note. “I do appreciate it, Jensen...”

“I was never pretending, Jared.”

Jared turned back to stare out the window.

“I don’t know how to be with you, Jared.”

Jared dropped his head.

“But I want to.” Jensen walked around and knelt in front of Jared. “Jared, I want to. I need to. I just...I don’t know what I’m doing. Will you help me?”

Jared looked at Jensen, his eyes hopeful and pleading. “Jensen?”

“Help me, Jared. Help me know how to be with you.” Jensen took Jared’s hand from where he’d rested it back in his lap. “Sweetheart. Can I see?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Not right now,” Jared almost whispered, “not yet. Knowing and seeing are very different things.”

“Okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.” Jensen stood and cupped Jared’s face in his hands. “Let’s go back to bed, baby, you want to?”

“You smell like a bar.”

“Ah, well, there’s a good reason for that.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I should be, honestly, but no.” Jensen sniffed at his clothes. “Do you want me to shower?”

“If you don’t mind. I didn’t realize you smoked.” Jared’s nose crinkled adorably.

“It’s a bad habit, but not a constant one. I only smoke when I’m stressed out or have something to work through.” Jensen gently pushed Jared back on the bed. “Get comfy, sweetheart, I’ll be right back.”

Jensen took a quick shower then grabbed Jared’s hair dryer to keep his hair from dripping. When he came back into Jared’s bedroom, Jared was propped up flipping through channels.

“All dry?”

“More or less, but I have no clothes. Should I just...” Jensen trailed off, waggling his brows.

Jared laughed. “Come to bed.”

Jensen heaved his towel into the hamper in the bathroom then took his time walking back to the bed, giving Jared plenty of time to look.

Jared shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Vain, much?”

Jensen laughed as he dove into the bed, settling himself in the middle and tucking Jared to him, Jared’s back to Jensen’s chest. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

Jensen could feel Jared’s fortifying breath echo in his chest. “I thought about suicide, of course. More than once. We moved, so at least there weren’t people staring at me all the time, knowing what happened. I had it rough for awhile, but I worked it out.”

“Sounds a lot simpler than I bet it was.”

“I got through it. That’s all that really matters right now. I learned to cope, adjust. I wear padded briefs. The kind for people with amputations, the kind for trans men work too, or those for men who aren’t so lucky in the size department,” Jared snorted a small laugh. “They give me a better line to my dress slacks.”

“Have you ever had sex, sweetheart? Boyfriends?”

“Yes, no.” Jared laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “I find hookups when I need to – people who aren’t too concerned about giving me a reach around and don’t think it’s weird when I tell them I don’t want them to touch me. People who leave when I want them to. Less complicated. Less painful.”

“Do you...do you get hard? Can you come?”

“I do get hard. I feel pleasure, Jensen, just like you do. I just...I no longer have the head of my penis, so those nerves are gone. With no balls, I don’t come as much, but I do come.”

“Did you come when we...” Jensen drifted off.

“I did. There was plenty of friction between you and the padding in my underwear.”

“Do you think I’ll stay, sweetheart?”

“For awhile.”

Jensen closed his eyes and rested his head on the top of Jared’s. “I’ll show you, baby. I’m in this thing for the long haul.”

“I believe you think you mean that, Jensen.”

“Well, sweetheart, it’s a start.”

“It’s a good start, I think.”

“You know I’m going to fuck up, right?”

“I know.”

“You’ll hang with me, right? Straighten me out?”

“However long you want me to.”

“That’s an awfully long time, baby.”

Jared didn’t answer. That was alright. Jensen would figure that out, too.


	5. Chapter 5

A month passed and things were getting better. Jared stopped clinging to Jensen like he expected him to leave at any moment, and Jensen stopped examining every word he said in case it offended Jared.

Jared had been having nightmares – nightmares Jensen wasn’t even sure Jared remembered when he woke in the morning – that Jensen held and soothed him through. Jensen didn’t know if they were his fault or not. He felt like he had disrupted Jared’s life and brought things back to Jared’s mind that he didn’t want there. He brought it up to Jared, but Jared simply kissed him and assured Jensen it was something he went through sometimes and that they usually slowed down after a bit.

Life went on and it was sweet. Any sourness came and went quickly. They were happy.

They were affectionate and there had been a thousand kisses but little else. Jensen was waiting for Jared to make a move, but after a month, he was wondering if Jared ever would. He’d made himself a promise though, that he was not going to push. No matter how much he wanted Jared.

The next Friday night found them in one of Jared’s favorite spots – a large plush living room chair. Jared was on his lap, kissing him for all he was worth, his hair falling around Jensen’s face like a curtain. Jared slipped off Jensen’s lap and turned the tv off. Jensen stood, thinking they were going somewhere.

Jared bent to turn on his stereo, flipping to the song he wanted, turning his head slightly to see Jensen. Jensen was staring at the long line of Jared’s legs and his ass. Jared smiled and stood, walking the few steps back toward Jensen. The plucking sound of guitar echoed through the silent room. ([Bluesville Station - One More Night With You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYbhY3oyY6Q))

Jared pushed Jensen back onto the chair, swaying to the smooth blues beat. Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s hips and thighs as the whispering sigh of a french woman followed the guitar, then sat back to watch Jared dance. Jared’s hands never left Jensen and he twisted and turned in front of him, close enough for Jensen to touch.

Lost in the show, it took a while for Jensen to realize what the song about. The singer’s plea for one more night made Jensen frown. Jared may have picked it for the music, but Jensen wasn’t sure that was the only reason why. Sliding his hands up under Jared’s shirt, he teased his fingertips over Jared’s skin, a light film of sweat easing the drag of skin on skin, standing as he did.

He stepped behind Jared, sliding one hand around Jared’s throat and pulling Jared back against him, slipping his fingers just under the waistband of Jared’s jeans. The muscles in Jared’s stomach rippled but he didn’t say anything or stop Jensen.

They moved in rhythm to the song, Jensen sliding Jared’s hair to the side and nibbling and mouthing at any skin he could reach. Jared ran his hands down the sides of Jensen’s hips, holding on.

“Love the way you move, sweetheart. Tall and sleek and beautiful. And all mine.”

Jared hummed in response.

“I want you so much Jared. You know that, don’t you?” Jensen circled his fingers through the fine hairs on Jared’s abdomen, tugging gently at them as he went. “You know how much I need you don’t you, baby? How every time I see you it’s like a hammer to the gut. You know this right?”

Jared dropped his head.

Jensen sank his teeth into Jared’s skin and Jared shuddered. “You taste so good, sweetheart. Sweet and salty, like a snack that’s just for me. Let me have you baby. Can I have you?” So much for not pushing, Jensen thought ruefully.

Jared turned to face Jensen. “You have me, Jensen. You do.”

“Then let me keep you.”

Jared stared for a moment then pulled Jensen toward the bedroom. Jared stripped to his underwear, waiting patiently for Jensen to do the same. Reaching for the control, Jared closed the blinds, throwing the room into near darkness. “I need you, Jensen. I need you to fuck me.”

Jared stepped out of his underwear, the low light gathered on the curve of his cheekbone, shoulder, hip and thigh, the rest shrouded in darkness. Jared had never been naked with Jensen before.

Jensen could barely breathe when the weight of that settled in his chest.

Jared reached into his bedside table, and settled a condom and lube on Jensen’s side of the bed.

Jensen stepped toward Jared then, his fingers playing with the light and shadows on Jared’s body. “You’re so beautiful, baby.” Jared turned his back to walk around the bed but Jensen caught him against him. “Lean over for me sweetheart. Hands on the bed.”

Jared hesitated for a second but did as Jensen asked. Jensen dropped to his knees, his hands full of Jared’s ass. Jared stiffened, but Jensen continued, burying his face in Jared’s crack.

“Jensen,” Jared started, “don’t...”

“Let me _have_ you, sweetheart, please.” Jensen spoke without raising his face, and his breath and the newness of the situation left Jared shaking. “Trust me. Please.”

“I...of course I trust you, Jensen. I do.”

“Then let me take care of you.”

In response, Jared just widened his stance, dropping to his elbows and opening himself more for Jensen.

“That’s my baby.” Jensen might be out of his depth. He might not be a hundred percent sure how to fuck Jared just right, but one thing he does know is how to _love_ Jared. That came over him like a slow rolling wave and he’d been drowning in it ever since. And Jared may be closed off and protecting himself, but he’d shown Jensen enough to know what Jared liked. What Jared needed.

So Jensen worshipped Jared. In between laps of his tongue and teeth, Jensen talked. Told Jared how beautiful, how smart and how wonderful he was. How sexy Jensen found him. How hard Jensen got when Jared moaned and panted in Jensen’s ear and sweated against his skin. How much Jensen’s cock wept when Jared’s perfect little ass rubbed against him.

Jared was panting hard and his back and legs shook, but Jensen took his time. He licked Jared open with long languorous sweeps of his tongue interrupted with the sound of his voice and gentle bites to Jared’s flesh. He did this until Jared finally broke and climbed onto the bed, splaying himself across the covers.

“Fuck me, Jensen. Now.”

“You want my fingers, sweetheart? Open you up a bit more?”

“No. I want you. Want to feel you stretch me out, force your way through.”

“You’re killing me, sweetheart.” Jensen took a moment to sheathe and slick his cock, then knee walked to Jared, pulling him into position, hips up and shoulders down. “You are gorgeous like this. Shadows dancing on your skin as you breathe. Sweat making you glisten where the light touches you.” Jensen bent to lick at the sweat on Jared’s back.

“Jensen. That’s sweet. Really. _Now fuck me._ ”

Jensen chuckled and settled, a fist at Jared’s side, the other guiding his cock to Jared’s hole. “As you wish, my love.”

Jared moaned as Jensen sank into him, a long sharp burn he felt all the way up his gut. “Yes. God, finally. I wanted you for so long, Jensen. You don’t know. You have no idea.”

Jensen up a slow and relentless pace between Jared’s legs, his knees tight to Jared’s thighs, spreading him further. Jared kept up a steady stream of moaning and talking, while Jensen, usually the one with everything to say, was quiet, his words shoved back down his throat by the feel of Jared all around him.

Jared started to squirm, Jensen’s unfaltering thrusts making his crazy. “Jensen. _Jensen._ Harder. Jensen. Please.”

When Jensen bottomed out the next time, he stopped. Jared bucked underneath him in protest, but Jensen simply flattened Jared out, slinging his legs over Jared’s instead of how they’d been. He blanketed Jared’s body with his own, his feet pressing Jared’s legs together, his fists keeping him off Jared just enough for Jared to breathe.

“Jensen,” Jared absolutely did not whine. “Move, Jensen.”

“Move me.”

Jared shuddered then started to move, bucking then rolling his body when that didn’t work. “Jensen, I swear to god. Move.”

Jensen chuckled, a dark vicious sound, but he started to rotate his hips, churning his dick inside Jared.

“I hate you, Jensen, I swear I do. I need...I need _more_.”

Jensen laughed out loud at that and Jared twisted his head as far as he could to glare at Jensen. Jensen grinned at him and buckled down, jack hammering into Jared with short, hard strokes. “How’s...this...sweetheart?”

“Uh...fuck you, Jensen. Fuck you right... _oh god_...right to hell.”

“What happened to my sweet baby?”

“Your sweet baby is going to murder you in your sleep if you don’t get on with it, Jensen!” Jared snapped, bucking up again trying to get Jensen deeper.

Jensen laughed, low and deep, sinking his teeth into Jared’s shoulder in punishment.

“Oh fuck.”

“How about you show me then, sweetheart, since I seem to be so unskilled at giving you want you want.”

“Wha...” Jared cut off with a squeak as Jensen shifted again, leaning back on his heels then settling on his ass on the bed and pulling Jared with him. “Jensen, no, I...” Jared’s hands flew to his crotch but the move and his own weight had put him squarely on Jensen’s lap, Jensen’s cock as deep as it would go. “Oh, god, Jensen, don’t.”

“Shhh, sweetheart, shh...move for me. Make us come, Jared. Take what you want.” Jensen was leaning against the footboard and that left his hands free.

Jared kept both hands cupped over his dick at first, but realized after he started to move that he needed one for balance and leverage. Jensen’s hands slid around Jared’s torso, one fondling his nipple and the other sliding down Jared’s wildly jumping belly.

“No, Jensen, please...”

“Sweetheart, trust me, please.”

Jared paused for a second but resumed his rhythm, a choppy wild ride that insured Jensen’s cock slammed into his prostate every few thrusts.

Jensen wrapped his hand around Jared’s wrist, getting no closer to Jared’s cock. “Jerk yourself off, baby. I want to feel.”

“No, Jensen, you’ll find out...”

“Baby I already know. Shhh. But I won’t touch. I promise. I won’t.”

Jared hesitated a moment then shifted his grip. Jensen stayed latched onto his wrist, but after a moment, he wrapped his hand around the outside of Jared’s longer, thinner hand. “Jensen...”

“Show me, baby...show me how you get off. Let me feel it, hear it.”

Jared began again, squeezing and stroking with hard pulls, rubbing his hand over the top of what remained of his cock before clasping around its width again, squeezing tight and jerking himself off in concert with the way he was bouncing on Jensen’s dick.

Jensen pulled his hand away, sliding down Jared’s skin again, hand flat to Jared’s body, fingers bent against the contours of Jared’s soft skin, only the faint bump of a scar where balls should be, the base of Jared’s cock tucked in the vee of Jensen’s thumb and palm.

“Jensen, don’t...” Jared could barely speak.

“Won’t touch, sweetheart. I won’t touch.”

Jared groaned and Jensen pressed down on Jared’s crotch, shifting again so he could get his heels under him so he could pound up into Jared, moving until he nailed Jared’s prostate with every punch of his cock.

“Jensen please.”

“Come baby, come for me. Just like this.”

“Jensen.”

Less than a dozen thrusts later, Jared was crying out, a thin stream of come sliding down his hand and Jensen’s hand still pressed to his groin. Jensen kissed Jared’s sweaty shoulder and pushed up and forward, putting Jared on shaky knees as Jensen grabbed his hips, ramming into Jared. Jensen came before the clutching aftershocks of Jared’s orgasm had even fully stopped.

“Jensen,” Jared’s breath hitched, “I never...I thought you’d...”

“I know what you thought, sweetheart. And I know why you thought it.” Jensen pulled out carefully, anchoring the condom and sliding out slowly. “I’m not going anywhere, Jared, and you can doubt me, but you’re going to be doubting me for the rest of our lives. Is it really worth all the effort?”

“I don’t know how to believe.”

“You will baby. You will.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was a bad day. Hell, it had been a bad week, but this was...this was rough.

**

Jared and Jensen had been closer than ever. After they fucked for the first time, Jared went back to expecting Jensen to run and his nightmares returned. He’d seen his psychiatrist twice a week for the next few weeks and Jensen stayed. Things calmed down after that.

Jared had come to bed one night not long after, dropping his sweats and hesitating long enough Jensen stopped what he was doing to watch him questioningly.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?”

Jared fidgeted for a bit longer, then slipped out of his boxers and stood, head bowed and breath still. Jensen walked over to him, lifting Jared’s chin. “Baby, thank you. _Thank you._ ” Jared _did_ trust him. Jensen dropped to a kneel, pressing a long kiss to Jared’s groin. “Let’s go to bed, sweetheart.”

Sex that night was long and slow. Jared left the bedside lamp on.

Afterwards, Jared was radiant. He’d finally settled with the fact that Jensen truly wanted him, wanted to be with him. It was the best time of Jensen’s life.

Two weeks later, though, the devil came back to Texas and Jared’s light didn’t just dim, it went out.

**

Jensen was born and raised in Richardson, Texas – a sprawling suburb of Dallas about fifteen miles from the heart of the city. He’d barely pretended to be straight growing up, and his friends reflected that. They were either gay themselves or decent, open minded people.

Jensen hadn’t really dated much through high school and college, but he had a long standing arrangement with one of his good friends whenever he needed to take the edge off. Marcus was a lot like Jensen – a little too beautiful when they were younger, a little too butch once they grew up. Marcus left Texas as soon as he could for the bright lights of New York and he never looked back.

It was a Tuesday when Jensen got the email that Marcus was going to be in town for a week. When he told Jared about it, Jared’s response had been to chew his lip and ask Jensen if he wanted Jared to make himself scarce that week. Jensen had dragged Jared down onto his lap and told him he wasn’t going anywhere ever. _“_ _Not even to the store or work?”_ Jared had questioned slyly. Jensen’s response had been to tickle Jared until he leapt off Jensen’s lap.

Jensen was excited. Jared was apprehensive.

**

Marcus stumbled into town on a Wednesday. He checked into a hotel and came to find Jensen at work. When Jared called Jensen to let him know Marcus was there, he couldn’t help but surreptitiously look Marcus over. When Jensen came up front he grabbed Marcus and they wrestled a bit in the lobby before Jensen remembered where they were.

“Wow, man, how long has it been? Twenty years?”

“Five, right? Since you decided to grace Texas with your presence. You got a rental or you using cabs?”

“I got a rental, man. I’m not gonna be stuck here for a week without one.”

“Go find something to do for an hour. I’ll be off then.”

“I’ll just head back to the hotel then.”

“Hotel? No way man, you’re staying with us for the week.”

Jared went still.

“Us? Who the fuck is _us_?”

“Watch your mouth dude, I work here.” Jensen walked over to Jared and dragged him close to his side, smile mile wide on his face. “Us is me and Jared. We’ve been together for coming up on a year now.”

Jared glanced at Marcus then focused on Jensen.

“What the hell? You couldn’t give a person a heads up?”

“Why would you need a heads up?”

“Because I was planning on you sucking my dick at some point tonight, that’s why.”

“Dude!”

Marcus walked over and surveyed Jared quietly for a moment. “Nice to meet you, Jared. I’m sure you realize by now how lucky you are to land this one, right?” Marcus paused for a moment. “So how did you manage that, anyway?”

“What the fuck, Marcus?” Jensen questioned, jerking Marcus away from the desk and further into the lobby. “What is your damage, man?”

“Don’t get your tie in a twist, jesus. He’s gotta know he isn’t your type. It can’t be new information to him. Not after almost a year.”

“What do you mean, _isn’t my type_?”

“I mean, I gotta wonder, man, is this your way of slowly turning straight? I’ve never seen you go for someone like him before. Look at him, he’s practically a woman, for fuck’s sake.”

Jensen grabbed Marcus by the collar, shaking him. “What the fuck is your problem? You met him five fucking minutes ago. You don’t know shit about him, and apparently, not about me either.”

“Jesus, lay off Rocky. I’m sorry, okay. It just threw me off and I’ve been drinking all day. You know how I get, right?”

“Yeah, I know how you get.” Jensen shoved Marcus away from him. “How about you go back to your hotel and sleep it off. _Maybe_ we’ll do something tomorrow.”

Marcus hesitated for a bit. “Yeah, I’ll call you. Nice to meet you, Jared.”

“You too,” Jared answered softly.

Marcus looked back as the door closed on the lobby, and watched as Jensen tucked Jared’s hair behind his ear and pressed a long kiss to Jared’s mouth. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was clear Jensen was in deep with this Jared.

It was time for Marcus to do a little digging.

**

Marcus waited until after work the next day to invite Jensen to supper. He didn’t mention Jared, but Jensen stressed that _they_ would be there at 8. Marcus simply said “Great” and hung up. Jared tried to decline, saying of course Jensen would want time alone with his friend, but Jensen wouldn’t let him back out.

Marcus started out the evening with an apology. He seemed sincere, so Jensen and Jared settled in for dinner. Marcus was loud as always, regaling Jared with the most obnoxious stories from Jensen’s childhood. Jared laughed frequently, but it was the polite laugh he pulled out in uncomfortable situations.

They were halfway through dinner when Jensen’s phone vibrated in his jacket pocket. Surreptitiously checking, he turned to Jared, “It’s Sally,” then to Marcus, “it’s work, I need to call them. Be right back.”

There was a strained silence at the table for a moment, then Marcus said, “I know about you.”

“You know what about me?”

“About what happened to you when you were younger. And your little “problem”.”

Jared stiffened. “And?”

“I see how Jensen is with you. How much he’s changed. And I don’t like it. He never liked girly men before. He was never this mushy mess before. I mean, I get it...he feels sorry for you or whatever, but I still don’t like it.”

“I don’t care what you like,” Jared spat. “Our relationship isn’t any of your business.”

“Of course it’s my business. Jensen’s been my friend for a long time. More than that sometimes, too. I remember how much he loved sex. How he got off on sucking dick. Can you even have sex? Can you give him anything he wants at all?” Marcus paused, “well you’ve got a hole to fuck, I guess, that’s one thing at least.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks, I like my men to be actual men.”

Jared pushed back from the table and stood towering over Marcus. “Honey, I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be, and I don’t even have balls. Tell Jensen I took a cab home. The atmosphere here sucks.”

Jensen came back a few minutes later to see a waiter clearing Jared’s place. “Where’s Jared?”

“I don’t know, we had words and he flounced off like the woman he is. Said to tell you he was taking a cab home.”

Jensen narrowed his eyes. “You had words about what?”

“I don’t like what he’s turned you into.”

“Excuse me?”

“I never knew you to be such a faggot before. He’s turning you into someone I don’t recognize.”

Jensen signaled for the check and paid it quickly, Marcus babbling on about how they used to be so alike but now Jensen was unrecognizable. As soon as they stepped through the door of the restaurant, Jensen took a step back and punched Marcus as hard as he could in the mouth.

“You don’t recognize me? Good. It’ll make it easier for you to forget you ever knew me.”

“What the fuck, Jensen! I’m just looking out for you.”

“No you’re not, you’re just being a judgmental dick, and I’m done with you. Jared and I are together and will always be together. I have an appointment in two days with a realtor. Know why? Because I want to find a home for us. A place where we can get a dog or two and some kids. And you know what else? I’ve been ring shopping for a month. I’m going to do it all...flowers and candles and soft music. I’m going to drop to one knee. Jared’s going to cry and shake and then he’s going ride me until I scream. At one time I pictured you as my best man, but now I'm never going to think of you again.”

“I can’t believe this!”

“Believe it. I loved you, man. Even when I didn’t see you for years, I considered you one of my best friends.” Marcus took a step toward Jensen, but Jensen moved away from him. “I’m the one that doesn’t know you anymore. I mean, I knew you were an asshole, but I never expected this.” Jensen shook his head. “Don’t ever contact me again.”

“Come on, man...”

“Good bye Marcus.”

**

Jensen’s apartment was closest so he went there first, praying this wouldn’t set him and Jared back again. Horrible scenarios were flipping through his mind, becoming more elaborate and worse with every mile. When he got there he, rushed into the apartment. Jared’s phone was on the stereo dock, blues filtering through the air. Jensen breathed a quick sigh of thanks for that.

“Sweetheart?”

Jared stuck his head through the kitchen door. “I’m in here.”

“You okay, sweetheart?”

Jared paused for a moment. “Yeah, I’m fine.” And he really looked like that was the truth. “Where’s Marcus?”

“I don’t care. What are you doing?”

“Making supper. I didn’t get to finish and I’m hungry.” Jared smiled and popped a piece of roll into Jensen’s mouth.

“What did he say to you, baby?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jared laughed, then gave Jensen a brief run down of what happened.

Jensen threw his head back and cackled when Jared got to the part where he stormed off. “More of a man...” Jensen laughed some more. “That’s a fact, baby. That’s a fact.”

“I don’t think he liked that too well.”

“Yeah I don’t think he liked getting punched in the mouth all that well, either.”

“Jensen! You didn’t.”

Jensen proffered his still red knuckles for inspection. “Of course I did.”

“You can’t go around punching everyone that has a problem with me, Jensen.”

“Can too.”

“I actually owe Marcus thanks.”

“The fuck you do. What would you thank that asshole for?”

“For being an asshole. I didn’t run off crying, Jensen. I wasn’t hurt. I was pissed. For once in my life, I stood up when I needed to.”

“Baby...”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you, Jensen, how much you mean to me.”

“What, of course you...”

Jared cut Jensen off with a kiss. “I know how hard I am to love, Jensen. And you stayed through all of it. Even when I could see the doubts so clearly in your eyes, you stayed with me. When I was shoving you away with both arms and a knee...you stayed. I’ll never leave you either, you know.”

“Then make sure you say yes in a few weeks when I ask, okay?”

“Jensen?” Jared stared at him, waiting for more.

“Just say yes.”

Jared studied him for a moment then said, “I’ll always say yes to you, Jensen.”

“What if what I ask is if you want to go base jumping without a parachute?”

“ _Is_ that what you’re going to ask?”

“No, but you can’t just make those kind of blanket statements, Jared. I could be asking you anything.”

“I know what you’re going to ask.”

“You don’t know.”

“Of course I know.”

“You think you know.”

“No, I know I know.”

“You can’t know.”

“I _can_ know.”

“You just want the last word.”

“I always get the last word.”

“No you don’t.”

“Do too.”

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

“Not.”

“To...” Jensen cut Jared off with a long, deep kiss. “Cheater,” Jared whispered.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“I swear to god, Jared...” Jared shoved another piece of roll into Jensen’s mouth, then laughed as he watched Jensen sputter and try to chew.

Then he took Jensen’s face in his hands, stepped closer and leaned toward him. Right before his lips touched Jensen’s, he whispered, “Are too.”


End file.
